Tag Archives: 2016

The BlackGuard Reflect on 2016

20 Dec 16
Jerrod Smith
,
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SequoiaSequoia: 2016 has been... an unusual year, to say the least.
MercerMercer: Damn! Not Prince!
MelaninMelanin: Oh, so Beyonce drops Lemonade and stops straightening and dying her hair, and now we want to pretend like she was down with the struggle from the beginning?
StaplesStaples: Wait... The president of Russia is named Vladimir WHAT?!
OdanOdan: I don't care what people say, that Drake album was trash! And so are all these other weak ass new school rappers!
DoomeDoome: From one super villain to another, I gotta say, well played Mr. Trump.
MercerMercer: AND David Bowie?!
SequoiaSequioa: I'd describe Hillary Clinton as the hero us feminists neither deserved or needed....
GeronimoGeronimo: Looks like four more states done accepted da lovin' embrace o' da Mary J!
OdanOdan: Young Thug. Trash! Lil Yachty. Trash!
StaplesStaples: BWAAAH ha ha ha ha!
MelaninMelanin: I mean let's be honest, if slavery was still legal in America, where do you think she would be? In the field or in the house?
MercerMercer: Those two were legends! I loved them!
DoomeDoome: And you're surrounding yourself with your very own Legion of Doom! Please, appoint ME to your cabinet!
OdanOdan: Future. Trash! 21 Savage. Trash!
SequoiaSequoia: If anything, I feel this year reminded us of how good it is to be a white man. It's like you're a member of a secret club operating out of a treehouse fort with a sign out front that has “No girls allowed!” scribbled on it.
StaplesStaples: Heh heh. Putin. Who's the vice president? Smirnoff Skidmarkovich!
MercerMercer: I meant that heterosexually. You know, as much as a man can love another man...
MelaninMelanin: The Black Panther movie? Just because it has a black director and a mostly black cast doesn't mean white Hollywood won't find a way to fuck it up. I'll save my enthusiasm until I see it.
GeronimoGeronimo: We Jamaicans may have our disagreements wit' ya, but prayers out to me Haitian breddas. Dat Matthew a real son of a bitch...
DoomeDoome: Appoint me head of the Building the Wall department. I have a few blueprints here with me...
OdanOdan: Kanye used to a'ight, but then I think the Illuminati did something to his brain and broke him. So now, trash!
CrucialCrucial: Maaaan, they ain't had to do my boy Harambe like that.
StaplesStaples: Gun control? More like fun control, amiritght!
SequoiaSequoia: Why's Crucial here?
MelaninMelanin: What were my five favorite Netflix programs of 2016? 13Th, 13th, 13th, 13th and 13th!
MercerMercer: But then again, this is 2016. A man's allowed to love another man pretty intimately, so maybe not that much- Okay, let me start over. Can we cut that part out?
DoomeDoome: We can have a surveillance system here on the first floor, laser canons on the second, a gift shop on the third...
OdanOdan: So, what about Prince? Did the nigga have bars? If not, trash!
RansomRansom: The police are doing a great job this year. Just magnificent!
StaplesStaples: And don't even get me started on Brexit! Mostly cause I don't even know what the bloody hell a 'Brexit' is!
SequoiaSequoia: Judging by the leniency we keep giving the offenders, I guess at some point we decided that rape “Actually isn't that serious.” We don't want to punish them TOO harshly...
MercerMercer: Don't get me wrong, I'm not homophobic or anything. I just come from a different time per- Wait, what did Odan say about Prince?
DoomeDoome: You know, now that I think about it, Trump's on the right track to destroying the world. Despite my admiration for that level of dastardly, the world's where I do most of- No, ALL of my villainous activity...
OdanOdan: Meanwhile, Meek Mill out here looking like the Yamcha of hip hop. That nigga lose a different beef every week!
MelaninMelanin: As far as the Rio Olympics... [Claps slowly] WE killed it.
SequoiaSequoia: “I mean, come on guys, let's be fair and try to see things from the rapist's point of view.”
MercerMercer: Let Odan keep talking and the appendage formerly known as MY FOOT is gonna meet with the backside formerly known as HIS ASS!
StaplesStaples: Let's see, what else we got here on the ol' list o' 2016 topics. “Another sex scandal involving Anthony-” *Pfffffft*! Seriously?! Who writes this stuff? Get this guy an SNL contract! He's killing me!
DoomeDoome: He must be stopped. Get Bernie and the rest of the Social Justice League on the line. Tell them the Dakota Access Pipeline can wait!
OdanOdan: R.I.P. Phife Dawg. R.I.P. Shawty Lo. R.I.P. Knuck If You Buck beat.
MercerMercer: That little purple ninja's gonna be crying tears of purple rain. Ya'll about to see what it sounds like when ninjas cry! While my fist gently weeps!
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What were we talking about again?