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The BlackGuard Reflect on 2016

20 Dec 16
Jerrod Smith
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SequoiaSequoia: 2016 has been... an unusual year, to say the least.
MercerMercer: Damn! Not Prince!
MelaninMelanin: Oh, so Beyonce drops Lemonade and stops straightening and dying her hair, and now we want to pretend like she was down with the struggle from the beginning?
StaplesStaples: Wait... The president of Russia is named Vladimir WHAT?!
OdanOdan: I don't care what people say, that Drake album was trash! And so are all these other weak ass new school rappers!
DoomeDoome: From one super villain to another, I gotta say, well played Mr. Trump.
MercerMercer: AND David Bowie?!
SequoiaSequioa: I'd describe Hillary Clinton as the hero us feminists neither deserved or needed....
GeronimoGeronimo: Looks like four more states done accepted da lovin' embrace o' da Mary J!
OdanOdan: Young Thug. Trash! Lil Yachty. Trash!
StaplesStaples: BWAAAH ha ha ha ha!
MelaninMelanin: I mean let's be honest, if slavery was still legal in America, where do you think she would be? In the field or in the house?
MercerMercer: Those two were legends! I loved them!
DoomeDoome: And you're surrounding yourself with your very own Legion of Doom! Please, appoint ME to your cabinet!
OdanOdan: Future. Trash! 21 Savage. Trash!
SequoiaSequoia: If anything, I feel this year reminded us of how good it is to be a white man. It's like you're a member of a secret club operating out of a treehouse fort with a sign out front that has “No girls allowed!” scribbled on it.
StaplesStaples: Heh heh. Putin. Who's the vice president? Smirnoff Skidmarkovich!
MercerMercer: I meant that heterosexually. You know, as much as a man can love another man...
MelaninMelanin: The Black Panther movie? Just because it has a black director and a mostly black cast doesn't mean white Hollywood won't find a way to fuck it up. I'll save my enthusiasm until I see it.
GeronimoGeronimo: We Jamaicans may have our disagreements wit' ya, but prayers out to me Haitian breddas. Dat Matthew a real son of a bitch...
DoomeDoome: Appoint me head of the Building the Wall department. I have a few blueprints here with me...
OdanOdan: Kanye used to a'ight, but then I think the Illuminati did something to his brain and broke him. So now, trash!
CrucialCrucial: Maaaan, they ain't had to do my boy Harambe like that.
StaplesStaples: Gun control? More like fun control, amiritght!
SequoiaSequoia: Why's Crucial here?
MelaninMelanin: What were my five favorite Netflix programs of 2016? 13Th, 13th, 13th, 13th and 13th!
MercerMercer: But then again, this is 2016. A man's allowed to love another man pretty intimately, so maybe not that much- Okay, let me start over. Can we cut that part out?
DoomeDoome: We can have a surveillance system here on the first floor, laser canons on the second, a gift shop on the third...
OdanOdan: So, what about Prince? Did the nigga have bars? If not, trash!
RansomRansom: The police are doing a great job this year. Just magnificent!
StaplesStaples: And don't even get me started on Brexit! Mostly cause I don't even know what the bloody hell a 'Brexit' is!
SequoiaSequoia: Judging by the leniency we keep giving the offenders, I guess at some point we decided that rape “Actually isn't that serious.” We don't want to punish them TOO harshly...
MercerMercer: Don't get me wrong, I'm not homophobic or anything. I just come from a different time per- Wait, what did Odan say about Prince?
DoomeDoome: You know, now that I think about it, Trump's on the right track to destroying the world. Despite my admiration for that level of dastardly, the world's where I do most of- No, ALL of my villainous activity...
OdanOdan: Meanwhile, Meek Mill out here looking like the Yamcha of hip hop. That nigga lose a different beef every week!
MelaninMelanin: As far as the Rio Olympics... [Claps slowly] WE killed it.
SequoiaSequoia: “I mean, come on guys, let's be fair and try to see things from the rapist's point of view.”
MercerMercer: Let Odan keep talking and the appendage formerly known as MY FOOT is gonna meet with the backside formerly known as HIS ASS!
StaplesStaples: Let's see, what else we got here on the ol' list o' 2016 topics. “Another sex scandal involving Anthony-” *Pfffffft*! Seriously?! Who writes this stuff? Get this guy an SNL contract! He's killing me!
DoomeDoome: He must be stopped. Get Bernie and the rest of the Social Justice League on the line. Tell them the Dakota Access Pipeline can wait!
OdanOdan: R.I.P. Phife Dawg. R.I.P. Shawty Lo. R.I.P. Knuck If You Buck beat.
MercerMercer: That little purple ninja's gonna be crying tears of purple rain. Ya'll about to see what it sounds like when ninjas cry! While my fist gently weeps!
What were we talking about again?



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